Shrekking: Why this dating trend is not as cute as it sounds
Inspired by everyone’s favourite ogre, there’s a new Gen Z dating trend afoot – and experts say it needs to get sent back to Far Far Away.
Video: TikTok
Most people are familiar with phrases like “punching above their weight” or “batting above their average”, but the latest dating term comes from the big screen rather than the sports field.
Inspired by the 2001 animated fantasy film Shrek, “Shrekking” involves dating someone you’re not attracted to or whom you consider less attractive in the hope that they will treat you like a princess.
Of course, unlike the happily-ever-after ending of the movie, in which the anti-social ogre Shrek and Fiona get married in the swamp, real-life relationships based on this flimsy theory aren’t a guarantee of success.
Getting “Shrekked” is when you end up still being disappointed or hurt by the person for whom you lowered your standards.
Social media users are here for the term, with one commenting: “Finally getting a fun term for when you give a 3/10 guy a chance and he does you dirty.”
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“It’s where you’re traumatised by a man who literally looks like shrek,” said a TikTok user with the handle thisiswhyimsingle2024.
“And we’ve all been there – we give the guy we’re not attracted to a chance, thinking that he’ll for sure know what he has and treat us well. And then we get traumatised by a whole troll.”
Another commented: “The lesson is NEVER lower your standards because even the troll will traumatize you as bad as the Greek god does.”
Some dating experts have labelled Shrekking as toxic, suggesting it reinforces shallow thinking – though it probably doesn’t require an expert to explain that focussing primarily on appearances rather than personality and character is not the ideal basis for a healthy and happy relationship.
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“In this plot line, you’re dating an ogre without the princess treatment,” says US dating coach Amy Chan, author of a self-help book titled Breakup Bootcamp.
Chan reckons one of the reasons new terms like Shrekking keep popping up is that young people are disillusioned with dating.
“Modern dating has gotten so complicated that we need new words just to describe what’s happening to us,” she told USA Today.
“It’s like we’ve made dating struggles part of our public conversation in a way that just didn’t happen before.”
Among other new dating terms in recent times are “Banksying”, which takes its name from street artist Banksy and refers to slowly withdrawing emotionally from your partner. Chan suggests this behaviour shows how “conflict-avoidant” people have become.
Another term that has been around for a bit longer but is considered equally toxic is “monkey-barring” – where a person jumps from one relationship to the next and has probably already lined up their next partner while still with someone else.
And then there’s “hypergamy” – the technique of marrying or dating someone considered more successful, which might be the opposite of Shrekking.
All of which seems to suggest that while the dating scene may continually change, human behaviour remains the same. And if you’re seeking relationship wisdom, maybe don’t look to a fairytale.
